Ebook I'm Afraid of Men, by Vivek Shraya
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I'm Afraid of Men, by Vivek Shraya
Ebook I'm Afraid of Men, by Vivek Shraya
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Review
Finalist for the 2019 Lambda Literary Award, Transgender NonfictionNamed a Best Book by: The Globe and Mail, Indigo, Out Magazine, Audible, CBC, Apple, Quill & Quire, Kirkus Reviews, Brooklyn Public Library, Writers’ Trust of Canada, Autostraddle, Bitch, and BookRiot.“Vivek Shraya transforms her long-festering fears of men into cultural rocket fuel … Shraya’s dispatches from the frontlines of life as a queer, trans woman of color are frequently illuminating, painfully honest, and, in spite of everything, hopeful.”—Vanity Fair“Emotional and painful but also layered with humour, I’m Afraid of Men will widen your lens on gender and challenge you to do better. This challenge is a necessary one—one we must all take up. It is a gift to dive into Vivek’s heart and mind.”—Rupi Kaur, bestselling author of The Sun and Her Flowers and Milk and Honey“Brilliant, funny, and deeply vulnerable, Shraya’s I'm Afraid of Men is both a moving memoir and a rallying cry for a better future. Her insights on the myriad ways the binary oppresses and denigrates are invaluable and resonant. I adore this book.” —Jill Soloway“In I’m Afraid of Men, Vivek Shraya owns and exposes her own history with masculinity and offers a way out of this harmful and old-fashioned binary we call gender. My head nodded along quietly in agreement any time I wasn’t wiping away rising tides of tears. Vivek Shraya is a superior voice, and this book is essential reading for everyone.”—Tegan Quin of Tegan and Sara“Vivek Shraya’s writing is always empathetic but challenging, kind but sharp, and I’m Afraid of Men forces you to confront what you think you know about masculinity, privilege, and fear. Reading Shraya’s writing will make you a better person, through and through.”—Scaachi Koul, author of One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter“Shraya crafts each of her memories in prose made poetic with touches of metaphor. She writes with honesty and vulnerability, all the while asking challenging and personal questions that inspire deeper reflection. This crucial addition to shelves offers the vital and often ignored perspective of a trans woman of color. A book to carry with you.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)“Anyone who has ever looked behind them when walking at night, avoided eye contact with strangers or wiped off a lipstick for being too bold—so, all of us—should read this mini-manifesto.”—Elle Canada“A gift and a hell of a book—beautiful, intimate, insightful, and essential.”—Jesse Wente, NOW Magazine “Viscerally powerful … creating tectonic fissures into antiquated beliefs around gender identity.”—Toronto Star
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About the Author
VIVEK SHRAYA is an artist whose body of work crosses the boundaries of music, poetry, fiction, visual art, and film. A Publishing Triangle Award winner, her books include even this page is white,The Boy & the Bindi, and She of the Mountains. Shraya is one half of the music duo Too Attached and founder of the publishing imprint VS. Books. She teaches creative writing at the University of Calgary.
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Product details
Hardcover: 96 pages
Publisher: Penguin Canada (August 28, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0735235937
ISBN-13: 978-0735235939
Product Dimensions:
4.9 x 0.5 x 7.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
8 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#175,055 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I never say things like that but I am a trans woman, an older white lesbian in Brooklyn, and although Vivek Shraya's life differs in many ways from mine, I've underlined almost everything on the first page. I have to stop or I'll just mark up the whole book. You should read this book, it's not long and you'll learn things. Tegan and Sara said so, too.
This book is a gift. Beautifully written, tender, vulnerable, and honest. “I’m Afraid of Men†asks the reader to look in the mirror and reevaluate the way we ourselves interact with gender in our own lives and the way we treat others. This is a valuable and important work. Everyone should read it.
Vivek Shraya's I'm Afraid of Men is a short book, but it was a challenging one for me to read. It is very much a trauma narrative, and as a non-binary person who has experienced significant traumas and spent several years in therapy working through them, I found it incredibly painful to enter her frame of mind. Often when I read trans life writing, I feel less alone. This book, on the other hand, left me feeling as alienated and isolated and unacceptable and on edge as I did years ago.Shraya is a strong woman who has survived and accomplished many remarkable things. From this book, it doesn't seem like she acknowledges her own resilience. I hope she can find some peace someday.
Why? Because Vivek Shraya bares her soul-- as she writes with a soul searing intensity, delicacy, sensitivity, and beauty. This book is totally UNLIKE any other of the (sterling! excellent as well) books on being Gay or being on the Binary or being Trans, because Vivek Shraya incorporates the reader into her incredible journey of self-realization, doubt, fear, the agony of trying to "fit in" while all the while fueling her life and development with positive (and at times hesitant or self doubting) determination and love. What an incredible journey!! Vivek has a very logical head on her shoulders, and when she writes about being cheated on.... it brought back my memories but opened my eyes -- her words educated me on the power of logical forgiveness.Although this book does not really mirror my self-development in personal matters of gender, it does open up a incredibly abstruse, emotional and logical world where I can truly say "Thank you Vivek for enlightening me!" Her musings on the abysmal way we diminish and desecrate the feminine -- and the need to return of the goddess and (for both genders) to be respectful of space and the sacredness of the land we inhabit is a gentle eye-opener. There is MUCH to learn from this small but mighty book.By the Way -- Vivek's Music is BEAUTIFUL.
This is Shraya’s statement of what her experiences of dealing with men have been like. As a trans woman, she has, as the song says, ‘looked at life from both sides now’. As a boy, she was encouraged to be more male. She did body building, lowered her voice, and mimicked the walk of masculine men. She gave up color in her wardrobe, sticking to dark neutrals. Later in life she gave up trying to be what she was not, and started expressing her femininity. Now, instead of being harassed for not being masculine enough, she gets harassed for not being feminine enough. The world- and men in particular- just cannot deal with people like her. The majority of men (and women) want women and men to be firmly at the poles of the male/female spectrum, and so find themselves uncomfortable- and sometimes violent- in the presence of a trans or gender fluid person. This is an essential book for the 21st century, as we learn to view the world as non-binary.
I've not forgotten the jolt of pleasure I discovered in reading Jennifer Finney Boylan's memoir SHE'S NOT THERE on a plane ride from Vancouver to Toronto in 2003 when the book was published. Boylan's book was beautifully written —the work of a gifted novelist, to be sure—as well as honest, informative, and poignant. More than that, as a memoir of trans identity, it leapt off the page in a way that was immediately current and accessible in its contemporary modernity.My experience of reading Vivek Shraya's I'M AFRAID OF MEN this week was remarkably similar, and again I recognized a voice that was unreservedly modern, and magnificently of its time, and a book that is destined to take its place among the classics of trans memoirs.Shraya, herself a gifted novelist and poet, uses language lushly and evocatively, the way a poet would, but with also with a surgical precision that bypasses sentimentality in the service of truth. Not only "her truth," but also universal truths about gender socialization, loneliness, and the terrible sacrifice of suppressing essential parts of oneself in the service of not only social acceptability but, literally, the safety of life and limb. For me, the most searing parts of the book dealt with not only her documentation of her coerced suppression of her femininity, but also her joyful reclamation of it in later life. The euphoria of reading the story of a modern trans life—encompassing everything that a trans life can contain in the 21st century—rendered so beautifully in prose was a joyful experience for me as a reader.The title of her book may be I'M AFRAID OF MEN, but this is the work of a fearless author who is not afraid to expose herself on the page, on her own terms. It's also a warm and generous invitation to everyone, regardless of their gender identity or expression, to truly learn something new, and to open their minds and hearts to the marvellously complex realities of what gender can mean.The fact that the book has been so well received internationally, including by people who were perhaps not the initial target audience, is a testament to Shraya's courage, as well as her prodigious literary gifts. It's a slim volume, not much longer than some poetry books, but every word is golden. If you purchase one nonfiction book this year on the topic of sex and gender and society, this should probably be the one you buy. You'll actually be richer once you've done so.
Shraya asserts that "terror" is often sparked by observed gender non-conformity. As she has frequently been the object of such terror, it is difficult to deny her truth. Irrational fears are the most difficult to deal with. Reading this book gives one the opportunity to evaluate one's own irrational reactions and behavior.
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